Its not everyday that people wait. Sometimes we just look around and wonder and then we wait for things to happen. Ok..so we do wait for almost everything in our life. The thing is, we do not really have to wait per se. We just have to stay long enough for things to happen to us.
Solo
I always thought you were the person who would break the chain of my weird and twisted love life but it was otherwise.
Again, I fell for another one who does not give a shit to stupid stuffs like this, me. Oh well it’s a good thing I wasn’t that in to you…i just lied to myself didn’t i?stupid me always falling flat faced to shit men.
TODAY, I’ve decided…
Today, I have decided to let go, be silent and just leave. It is hard, there’s no doubt about that. There’s a part of me that still wants to keep him, but come to think of it, if he wants out then what good could you do to him right? As my friend once told me, you’re just inflicting pain on yourself when you yourself know that you could easily get out. Try to be happy and things will work out. This world is a cylce, it’s a never-ending cycle. One death won’t stop the world. It continues to go on, the sun still rises the next day and sets on another. There will still be work for you the next day and the stock exchange will still be in chaos. So today, I will let you go. Thankyou for being a part of my life and I’m gonna go get ready for the life ahead. Last night, I actually want to die already, accept the fact that I have to live a life of singleblessedness. The world, even if it has its bad things, has a bunch of joyful stuff for you. Always remember that. As House said, Humans get depressed over things they cannot handle because their too weak to accept that it’s time to move on. So Girl, it’s time to be strong and move on.
Pre-halloween scare
It’s been a week without anywork hre in the office and I am, without doubt, bored. Unike some who’d say pray for a vacation, I am praying for some work. So what to do when you get bored? do something related to the spirit of the month. I know, i know the flow is really boring, bear with me please?
So I clicked on the letter ‘e’ icon on my desktop and then my fingers started clicking on keys until the website youtube was opened. I can’t stop my fingers, it’s as if they have their own lives!! It was later when I realized I had typed in ‘scariest places on earth.’ I continued watching different scary places and the past that they have. Castles, forests, haunted houses, creeks, rivers, you name it! Almost everywhere, apparently, there are ghosts which roam around needing for a different kind of attention or maybe affection eh?
After a couple of hours, I finally realized that it’s been already 8 hours of watching these horro stuff and I’m on my way home. Pretty productive huh? I was just bored and nobody could give me something to do, can you blame me?
Curiosity killed me
The coast is clear.
It was two in the morning and everyone is still in deep sleep. I was doing my usual morning routine of long walks around our village. The cold breeze kneads my soft body, as the morning sun slowly opens its eyes.
It’s another day ahead of me. There’s no one to cook food, no new grooming sessions, no activities for the day, unlike others. In short, I’ll spend the day roaming the streets of Quezon City, again.
***
After my slaves left for what they call school, I was again left alone in the house. Now what can I do, they are the ones who prepare my meals and without them, I can’t open my favorite can of tuna or whatsoever canned good. The black and white ball they gave me was just the same with all the other balls they give me every month, so I have nothing left to do in this mansion.
However, there’s one thing that I was told never to do, roam the streets without my collar, in short, naked.
I never saw the streets before, I mean, I’ve never felt the streets with my bare paws. I was always left wondering what it feels and how it feels being free.
I’m just one more inch-step closer to freedom.
***
The sun rose sharply in the middle of the vast blue, little do they know that it’ll be the end of the world. I’m just exaggerating; well it’s still the end, at least for one of them.
He was going north, she, from the south, until they meet in between, winds blowing, the sun covered by the clouds, the typical scene of every love story where boy and girl meet. Their eyes meet, locked.
He feels his body move with the wind towards her, three to four feet apart, it was only the street in between, closer and closer. He felt like he was in heaven and in a few seconds he was in heaven indeed.
***
She was the most beautiful thing that I have ever seen I want my body against hers, tails intertwined in love. Just a bit closer and I’d know her name.
***
Just a few inches away, a large trailer truck was in a hurry for a delivery. A loud thump was heard.
***
All I could say was-Meow…
BOYS, MEN, RANDOM THOUGHTS
Mayaman si Niko, may sariling condo may sariling car may sariling buhay, san ka pa diba? Lahat na ata na sakanya na oh edi siya na mayaman. Nakakainis hindi ko kasi siya magets kaya hindi ko nalang siya itutuloy parang libro ang mga lalaki eh, you read the first few chapters and decide whether you’d spend time reading and enjoying the story unfolding after every page or you just don’t read it at all.
Minsan may mga tao na kahit hindi sila interesado sa libro, babasahin padin nila, kumbaga para lang may pangdisplay sila or minsan para lang may pampalipas oras sila. Cool right?
I wonder how many people had actually thought of this idea, I suppose among the millions and billions of Filipinos in this world, it is not only me who thought of this, lucky me if I were the only one I guess. But still, there’s one thing that men could do that books cannot do to women, (well aside from the ‘you-know-what’) that would be to hurt them. I’m starting to go for the cheesy part okay guys (just so you’d get ready if you’re going to laugh your stupid heads off).
So here it goes, women always search for the perfect book that will suit their personality or that with the story they could relate to. That’s always the goal of every woman entering a bookstore or if not; they look for the book that their friends tell them about, which is perfect for them or their budget. Either way, women still search because books do not come along walking to you while you sip your Starbucks coffee, okay girls? So for the entire essay, we could drop the thought of “the perfect guy for you” or “the right place, time, person,” monkey or whatever it is. You see, the hardship that you are experiencing in looking for the perfect book is nothing compared to the real thing of looking for the perfect man so yeah, we don’t have any chance left. (you’re stupid if you believe in what I just said.)
Let’s face it. Stop dreaming that there’s this guy looking for you and only you, that he’ll find you until you reach your forties and yeah great. At our era, no man is stupid to waste his time looking for a ‘princess’ when he knows that even the transportation fare is too costly that he’d rather choose to be married to a rich old lady than be poor from looking for his ‘destined wife’. This is the libido generation we are living in at this moment so if he/she is do-able and you like each other even for just eensy teensy bits, then I suggest you go for it! Hmm… that didn’t sound right, did it? Anyway, I mean, if there’s a chance, there’s no harm in trying. *wink*
Everyday, there in front of us, is a man who could be a candidate as your forever partner and it’s just up to you to decide. Besides, it is up to you guys if you want to prolong it or not. You are the one cooking your own destiny, you’re the one responsible for your happily ever after. You are the one responsible for what is happening to you right now. Do not tell me that no one guy came your way and you just snobbed him or more so you scared the shit out of him. You were silly that moment so do not do it again, maybe, just maybe, you let your only chance of a happy ending pass you by without any trials or whatsoever.(boohoo!) I’ll pretend I’m your friend, it’s okay, he’s not the right guy for you. Now I’ll change back to the reality that is in me, you are really stupid that you let him pass you by, now what? You expect another one? Right. You have to wait and we both know clearly that waiting is a very boring, dangerous and did I just say boring game.
Love fades and so does beauty.(now where did that come from?) Random thoughts only typed here make a good essay and this is also called free writing… err… free typing I suppose
Mathematics of Me
Ok, so how long has it been? Quite protracted already, 4 months going on 5. So thing is, he may have forgotten me or what but yeah obviously, I haven’t. Our sum is one for me and zero for him. Actually, there was never an equation in the first place (for him).Technically, every man I have met for that span of time reminds me of him. Bull shit right? Every time I join a climb, I remember him, thinking and wondering what could’ve been if we were us.
***
That’s me talking a few weeks ago, and this is me talking right now. What can I say? To hell with you! Blab and blab, that’s what kids often do (so what if I’m immature?? What do you care?) I am angry, real angry that you wouldn’t want to mess with me. That’s what I say, but really I’m broken right now. (Tears flowing from my eyes, hope they could stop right before they fall) As the cliché’ goes, pick up my broken pieces, but for me, I’d rather look at it, look at myself broken for quite a while, realize my mistakes and nail it to my stupid, unthinking heart-submissive brain.
I rant a lot, I always do, and this is where I get all my words from. Anger, hate and pain are my muses. Instead of avoiding them, I embrace them and the sum of such is a product like me. The area I cover, excludes love in its true form (the ideal love that fairytales have).
Factors of the equation of me include singing, drawing, reading and sports. More often than not, I seek these factors since I don’t do them anymore (I think of myself as almost perfect… yeah yeah I don’t like creepy crawly insects such as higad… so that makes me imperfect, so what?) I love to take risks, even if it goes against my parents’ rules. I wanted to be the envy of every girl and the desire of every man (ooohhh… that’s a heavy one. Hahaha as if!?)
Taking risks and trying different things, it might sound positive but then again, it has its electrons. I am emo-tastic (okay, it’s not a very great character and yeah it’s quite irritating at a certain point.) I’m clumsy… and yeah.., I’m really at the verge of confusion and eventually killing myself. NO OF COURSE IT’S JUST A JOKE! To hell with killing myself, I still have a lot of dreams yet to be fulfilled. And one of those things is ending this five-paragraph piece of shit hell I wish I could write better and think better. That’s it.
Write if you feel like it
I feel free when I write. I am actually in the mood to write right now. I promise this will be short, really short. Okay I’m done.
Kidding aside, it is not everyday that one like me would write, I don’t know really, may be I just lack the resources or maybe I just don’t know of a topic to write about (why you got any problem with that?). Ask other writers and they’ll tell you about their muse and stuff. For me, it’s just my mind speaking and my hands typing.
Right now, I don’t really have a topic in mind, I just thought that maybe, when I open this window (blank page and a blinking cursor) loads of thoughts will be shipped right through. However, as I type these words down, words are slowly leaving me… literally (ooh… this is getting really boring).
You may find this as a stupid blog but then again, this is me (what the hell can you do?) this is my blog and it’s my brain you’re reading right now. I’ve been thinking if anyone really thinks I could write well or just plainly if I could write. I don’t find my thoughts interesting (e.g. do ghosts and ghouls get wet if it’s raining?) yes, it sounds weird. So technically speaking, I don’t just entertain myself whenever I write things, I try to get what makes you (my readers) tick, giggle, laugh, feel sexy and whatever. Get my point?
***
Someone’s actually singing my fave Chinese song, brings back memories of time long lost and spent. (ye liang dai byaw wo di sing…)
***
I don’t wish you to get in my head, just like in Inception, no. (the movie really rocks big time!!) I just wish you’d say your views, negative or positive, about my write-ups. I just want to express myself! Yes, I maybe really too public when it comes to my facebook status messages, but hey girl, this punk wants to write it somewhere, better write it in my wall than I write it in your fuckin’ wall right? I may lack practice and the perfect words to say what I feel but it’s definitely not a reason for me not to try to get back to writing or just simply write. I get my topics from what I feel, what I experienced and from what I observe around me, so yeah if it ruins your day reading my stats, better get me off from your friends list (I don’t freakin’ mind) .
However, one problem I usually experience is my short-term memory (I am not old, it’s just that I’m like that). See? I totally forgot the flow of my thoughts. This why I plan to have a PDA phone with me, since I wanted to write all of my thoughts down in an instant or probably a recorder so that I could simply record what I’m thinking as of the moment (so wth am I telling you that part eh? Phooey.). In anyway, I’ll still be writing down my thoughts running in my mind at the speed of light. I suddenly realize that the longer you prolong your article (leaving it locked up, saved in your laptop) you lose your angst and the rush of wanting to translate your mindlings (I suppose I could make up my own word for thoughts, how many times have I used it in the previous paragraphs??? Don’t count stupid, I didn’t ask you to) into words. More and more layers of paper thin mindlings get piled up in your head until those at the bottom are decomposed already.
Yesterday, I was thinking of renting my own place just so I could leave our jam-packed house. Was that an understatement? Oh yeah, sorry about that. So yeah that was yesterday, while just a while ago I wanted to continue my studies and also land a part-time job in a tabloid (anything, even without pay as long as I get trained to become a reporter.) I even thought of finishing all my books as I’ve given up on reading a few months ago.
If you think I’m a boring person, just say so. Because as a matter of fact, I don’t really care if I have readers or not, well I guess I do… but if you already find my stuff boring, you may leave. Simply click on the ‘X’ button on the top right corner of this webpage, if you do not know that is. Last night, I dreamt of a wedding, I was one of the guests along with my high school batch mates. Thing is, what was supposed to be a wonderful dream ended up like a horror story. Nature was calling and believe it or not, the church does not have a bathroom. I was at the verge of peeing my peach silk gown when this sign just in front of me started glowing and blinking the sign ‘bathroom this way.’ I followed the sign surprised to see a two-storey mall (who builds a mall in front of a church??) I never did realize this oddity due to the emergency I was feeling so I went and flushed all my fluids away. The bathroom had so many corridors; everything was colored pink, from the faucet to the tiles, pink. On my way back, I noticed that the entrance and exit were different so I had to find my way to the exit and be back to the church in time for the ‘I dos’ part. However, strangely, the bathroom exit had led me to the second floor of the mall, which to my surprise, was a cemetery. Mist covered the entire floor the usual mist that usually gives you the ‘Hostel’ or ‘The Texas chainsaw massacre’ goose bumps. Moreover, the mall was actually surrounded by a moat, a dark sticky, boiling moat (where did that come from eh?) The only way back to the church was if I ride the sickly boat tied to the concrete post at the far end of the floor. I swear it only took me minutes, but it took me almost two hours in there. I was just in time for the reception, but I missed the ‘I dos’ part. Weird huh? Well, it was only a dream, and dreams are just dreams right? If it were translated to reality what is it then? Could you give me a heads up on such things?
So yeah, you may go back to what you were doing before this (assuming that someone is reading this piece of shi*). Tough ending huh? I really suck at endings, if I’d write a story about my life, I’ll probably have someone to write it down for me. But yeah, I’d love my life’s ending to be abrupt… or maybe not.
define w-o-r-k
doing something you don’t love to do, that’s work. It’s not just doing, it’s WORKING (you #@%#@$R^&hjdd!!!) .
And I’m working for almost half of my entire life. I intend to undergo rehab from work after a couple of years… and use this as an experience for the betterment of my life and my being (yoga?).
First ever bouquet of roses
“I hate weddings. They make me cry. They remind me of a person strangled down in my memory lane.”
These were the lines I wrote down a while back when I was bitter from a loved one. Don’t get ahead of me, this is not about those melodramatic bullshi* that women whimper about, alright?
I’ve never attended a wedding. I was one hell exceptional in that sense. So, you’ve attended several weddings? Bite me. I never had the chance to become part of the entourage, not as a flower girl, more so, a ring bearer. Oh yes, I’ve attended a reception, the end of it, just when everyone’s on their way home, I dunno, maybe my parents saw it thrilling that their kids have never attended a church wedding nor completed a real reception program and all the works. For twenty years, I lived on wedding pictures on magazines (Of course not FHM).
Just this June, I learned that my employment to this company was actually a fork way to different surprises and firsts in my ever-boring life. One of my office mates/wave mates is actually getting married!! It was at the commons, or the bathroom when I heard them talk about it. So even though it’s rude, I butted in and asked if I could go to her wedding as it would be my first. If I were her, I’d obviously take time thinking about it as I might still have a lot of guests to accommodate. But in destiny’s cue, she said, sure why not. That made me smile.
The wedding was on September 3, 2010 at the church, Santuario del Sto. Cristo, San Juan city. Flashback to the quirks before the wedding proper, one: I have no gown to wear; two: I can’t think of a gift and three: I was scared that I might cry… yeah right, so what if I’m the emotional one, what do you care? Despite those little problems, my friends were there to help out, I borrowed my gown from my friend PJ, and as for the gift, they’ve decided that we just share in buying a GC, I think it’s a spa package somewhere. So that only leaves my problem of crying, hell I care.
Come the day of the wedding, I was clad in a gold, oozingly sexy fitting gown which forced me to wear a t-back, (yeah, it’s hard to believe) and high heels. My make-up was done by Kaye, another friend. You might think by now that I’m poor and I won’t argue with you, I am. (Hahahaha) Let’s just say I’m less fortunate. Going back, we were late, Pure-bred Filipino time and we just got in time for the photo shoot (the last part). It’s alright, at least we were in perfect time for the picture-taking, right? (and so everyone agrees with me *clap clap clap*).
It was not the usual wedding, not those that I see and I cry about wishing the bride was me and the guy him. I was actually happy, Ruth and Sherwin were very happy; the vibes in the grey stone-walled church were just joy and joy. Ruth was wearing a two-piece wedding gown, beaded top and a balloon bottom with roses on her behind part, yes the bead work was really nice. Her motif was blue and red, if my observation was right, no one gown was alike (a round of applause please.) So this is how it feels if you’re part of a wedding, purely happiness… (I promised this would not be whining and ranting didn’t I? can I just break it just for a couple of sentences?) Nonetheless, the solitude never failed to peek right through me. It made me realize that time is ticking and I am alone. Done.
Getting over the feeling was the fact that I am hungry. So time went for my favor and we were on our way to Valle Verde 6 Club house for the reception, though we were stuck in an almost-an-hour traffic, the food was a total treat for us. SUPER! I don’t care if I get a big tummy in a fitting gown, or I may look funny as long as my hunger is solved. The program went on from the cutting of the cake, drinking of wine, speeches from the sponsors and the parents, and of course the bouquet and the garter part which I can’t really explain the name.
You may be familiar with the throwing and catching of the bride’s bouquet by the bachelorette where all single ladies would punch each other like cows, unveil their power ranger powers (redundant, yes.) or even cat woman abilities. But now that its modern, they’ve devised this more calm and yet equally nerve-racking game for bachelors and single ladies. Two sets of blue and red ribbons were tied to a flower bud. While the bride and groom held on to the flower bud, each bachelor were asked to hold on to one blue ribbon and red ribbon for us, the ladies. There were almost a dozen of single ladies there competing and same goes for the bachelors. Simultaneously, the bride, groom and all of us were asked to pull the ribbons. Much to my surprise, instead of me, getting back to my seat ending up with a solo red ribbon, my red ribbon was tied up to a blue ribbon, held by this guy named Stephen. Really funny, as it was my first time to be in a wedding and yes, I got to take the bouquet of roses home!!!
Do I end it here? I could if I want to as nothing exciting is going to happen anymore after that momentous event. You know what, as I’m writing this, my mom and dad’s fighting, nothing, just saying because this might affect the way I write, yes I’m clouded right now.
Back to what I was saying, he never did take my number, he knew me by my nickname and I know him under the name Stephen. Why the heck do I even bother to know his real name right? It’s not as if I really believe that I’ll be the next one in the altar, standing in front of a boy asking him to marry her… KimiDora? Haha I suppose a part of me does think of it that way, just thinking, if its going to happen, or if I really want it that bad, the universe will conspire just for me to achieve it.
Hopefully, I will meet him, coz I am so damn tired.
Just Another Blog 